New quotes at the bottom of each subection, please. #incharacter quotes go into the IC QUOTES section for simplicity - they are, after all, IC quotes.
For more insanity as perpetrated on #larp, check /QuotesFromHashLARP
IC QUOTES
2013
After Willow is elected Mayor, a Sordanite is confessing to a large number of murders.
Bonehead: Look! *points*
*The Sordanite looks*
Willow and Bonehead: TRIPLE THROUGH
*The Sordanite collapses on the floor*
*Willow and Bonehead high-five*
<Keric> (to Bathory) Fine, I'll do it, but you forget I said you were right last week
Leith: (to Iska) Inflict 3: Give me your knickers.
Iska: I'm not... wearing any.
*Maia collapses against the wall, speechless*
Bralack: Are you trying to bribe a Officer of the Watch?
Vala: No, I'm trying to seduce him, is it working?
Boreas: Miss Blackwater, may I call you by your first name?
Miss Blackwater: Certainly not, that would be improper
Boreas: Miss Blackwater, we are chained next to each other, I don't think there is any more intimate a morvanian and a kender can get
Y'Idiot, whilst under the effect of joy miracle and sorrow alchemy: Life is great, and sometimes people die, but it's just something you have to live with :D ... But then you have to die with it too ;(
2011
<Aloysius>: Actually no, don't put that in your trousers, there are cultists in your trousers.
<Pip>: Um, I also have weapons in my trousers. Is this a bad idea? 'Cause I don't really want an armed mob in my trousers!
<Aloysius>: Well if there is one, you'll be the first to know...
<Meredith>: Yeah, well. The Church of Balance are... um, "differently competent".
<Johnite Deathsquad Mook>: Don't get ill!
<John>: Don't fall down a flight of knives.
<Meredith>: (to Pip) A massive demon lord is going to explode out of your trousers! In a bad way!
<Robin>: You know, in order to relax, how about trying to empathise with other people?
<Meredith>: (manic) I'm a DOCTOR! I don't DO empathy!
<Imayn>: I'm so bored! I need to find a demon plane and do science to it!
<Keshrel>: You know, most people just get into inappropriate relationships...
2010
<Lawrence>: "Searching you for anything incriminating or interesting one, searching you for anything incriminating or interesting two..."
<Kobold>: "You find some kobold pornography."
<Lawrence>: "Stopping searching you one..."
<Molly> (to Lawrence): I hereby arrest you for crimes against humanity. Report to me tonight.
<Lawrence>: Your cells or mine?
<Milton>: Does any of your armour need fixing?
<Talis>: I'm fine, I only got hit on the head!
<ahdok> (as his Skaven) Don't call time out now- they were just about to beat me up.
< Ardan> that's still a bastard to drink, but better than the zombie cock
22:11 < Sally> did you not ever work out why they had such impractical clothing for doing lots of laundry?
22:11 < ProfGreenheel?> it was just less complicated to count me as an official launderess, dpite not even doign any laundery
22:11 < ProfGreenheel?> oh, I assumed that was because they didn't want to get wet
22:11 * Sally bursts out laughing
22:11 * Heresy choke son her drink
22:11 < Sally> lady, in this line of work, getting wet is a bonus
< BlackMolly?> oh gangrenous foreskin of vivamort!
< Heresy> Molly, I have no desire to hear anything about your "moist quivering flower of womanhood"
<small girl played by Joey> "What's an emergency vampire?"
<Galwyn> "It's what Molly uses to make a bad situation worse"
<John Forrester> "Do vampires do hugs?"
2009
< ProfGreenheel?> ...so... how does this flirting work then?
Darcy leans forward and puts her hand on the Professor's knee (this is unfortunate considering the way her dress is cut at the front) and stares deeply into his eyes.
< Darcy> The man says something like "my darling....you look heavenly tonight"
ProfGreenheel? fails to look uncomfortable, then notices the cut of the dress
< ProfGreenheel?> Err... Lady Darcy... you appear to be um.... escaping?
Darcy glances down, and sits back up, adjusting her top. She doesnt look especially embarassed.
< Darcy> yes, sometimes they do say that, but that tends to be a little later!
Molly: You insult my honour?! You insult my loyalty?! Well... well, your mother was a PASTRY CHEF!
< BlackMolly?> cosy? you want cosy? try worshipping in a temple full of dozens of sweatey, oiled semi naked sordanites!
< CapnBob?> This is not a wine to get drunk on. This is something that will seduce your palette, make love to your throat, and then give your tastebuds the ride of their life.
00:10 * BlackMolly? wanks out a bit unsteadily
< BlackMolly?> ...ye nipples of vivamort... drunken book sorting?
< Rosamund> ... I'm sure Lucius has never done anything perverted with a goat, Professor.
< Ariane> Lord St John, Greenheel is a nutter, warn all your angels, love Ariane.
< Marcus> I can fix that! WIDE PURGE EIGHT! (to give him credit, it did fix the problem... and at least seven non-problems...)
< Galwyn> "Can we touch you at dinnertime?"
< ProfGreenheel?> I've had one of those months
< Nell> ProfGreenheel?: What, full of babies?
<Lawrence> {tengwar} There's just something so satisfying about saying "boobies" in Tengwar!
< Ariane> On the plus side, demons kill you if you make a mistake. Girls don't. Usually.
<Lucie, holding a bottle> It's green, and it's got lots of alcohol in. <Galwyn> Just like you?
<Cornelius> Would anyone like to come and exorcise a printing press?
< Tyb> You though you could get me?! You didn't and NOW I HAVE YOUR FISH!
< ProfGreenheel?> I have just been knocked flying by somesort of laundress with a large turbot
< ProfGreenheel?> What's THAT a euphamism for?!?!?!
< Lucius> Lunch.
2008
Lucie: (in the course of argument) You don't have to take the law into your own hands, we have the UCM and the Temple of justice for that!!
<a few hours later, after an attack>
Lisalotte: So.....is anybody going to arrest this attempted murderer, or do I have to take the law into my own hands?! Lucie?
<lack of volunteering from the Militia>
"Hello, we're here to destroy you." - Crimson, Lord of the Colour of Spilled Blood
"What a coincidence." - Elemental guard
Matt: WIDE DETECT DEMON
About six people: Ping!
Matt: ...
Valtiel: That was "Wide detect demon", everybody.
"Go forth, my minions! Spread out into easily-defeated small groups!" - The Collector
< Mithril> First, the world ends. Then, the harvest.
< Pluena> I am Pluena! I am not wearing knickers.
* Dion winces
< Pluena> Neither is Dion, apparently.
* Daramin flamboyantly appears in a flicker of darkness at the corner of the eye and picks up a drink from the bar.
< Daramin> I do so love that spell.
< LucieR?> Ah, good evening Daramin. I can do that too, you know.
< LucieR?> Only not with so much, well, darkness.
< Daramin> I imagine not - the colours are somewhat the antithesis of one another, after all
< LucieR?> Well yes. Sam complained it tingled.
< Daramin> I imagine he did.
< Daramin> and how did he respond to the spell?
(to Mary) "I was asked by someone to deliver this message to you. Um. Arioch says 'how about them apples'. SINGLE SINGLE SING did it as a dare.
Borric to Eric "Was that your undead chicken?"
Sarah, even more loudly and unsubtly than usual- "Why is there a dead Norscan in the privy?" (cue rapid emptying of bar due to presence of two Norscan guards)
On IRC, when a very morose Matt was present, saying that he couldn't feel and nothing seemed to matter.
<Sarah> [tengwar] he needs to get laid
<Edgar> [tengwar] I don't think he'd notice.
/TheDefiler? - "I think [humans] should all die in pain and torment. *meaningful pause* But tonight I'm looking for my little brother."
MagicalEric?- and when I look at their little wonder filled faces and see the magic in their eyes I just know one of them's about to set fire to my beard! (on the joys of looking after baby pyrokin)
< Sesqui> You know, I thought it was only warriors in barrack rooms that talked like this. I didn't expect to hear this kind of talk in mixed company in the bar. *surprised rather than disapproving*
< Aellin> It's not mixed. It's Sarah.
Den_Tellin is pointedly trying not to let Sarah screw his mind around.
< Sarah> What about your body?
< Aellin> River folk tend to be more practical. If you get irrational on a river, you get wet.
< Sesqui> But the Azraelite high priest is somewhat pretty, if a little thin and blasphemous for me reallLE SINGLE SINGLE SINGLE"
< Nell> It's a diplomatic way of saying "Apologise, or we squish you." With more chance of them opting for the former.
< Alric> I am tempted to use this 'sarcasm' that is so often wielded to good effect, but that may be perilously close to lying
<Lucie> Is there anyone in here who isn't a frothing religious nutjob?
< Dion> (very loudly) I AM CURRENTLY THINKING ABOUT DOING INAPPROPRIATE THINGS TO LUCIE WITH A LARGE LEEK!
* Dion hands Lucie a leek
< Dion> Good evening.
* Dion departs
2007
Wessex Arms ritual circle, to Sir George: "It looks like you're trying to do a ritual. Would you like any help?"
Ian's sword-stealing NPC, to Piers: "Stealing swords is better than sex, and I defy you to prove me otherwise!"
<Petrof> Now where did I put my drink?
<Tebah> I don't know. Where did you put your fiancée?
<Piers> (To Mortimer the mouldy Fae) One thing I've always wanted to know... Do Fae have genitals?
<Ahdok> TIME OUT!
Unsorted
Matt to a Morvanian - "That cloak would look good on the floor next to my bed" - Mat didn't realise that Morvanians were celibate and onlyy.
< Lucius> I'm Lucius, currently unattached to any major institution...
< Sarah> You know, there are plenty of green mages around who would fix that for you.
< Sarah> Why? It was still him inside.
< Sarah> Everyone's pretty much the same once you've got their clothes off.
< Roderick> No, they're not! They don't all have, er, tentacles, clothed or otherwise.
< Sesqui> I must rise for dawn, and I am, to use the vernacular, knackered.
* Sesqui leaves
< Sarah> ...damn, and I missed my chance to ask who Dawn is.
< Carolan> [Raising tankard] To innocence. May it all be all right in the end.
< Sarah> Um... I think I can cope with the "May it be all right in the end" bit.
< Apache> (as a Zandito NPC) Ach, I just lost ze game!
< Sarah> I don't think I really make people happen to other people in here, do I? Well, not often.
< Matt> No, you make people here happen to other people later in different places.
< Sarah> Just because I set up Ariane's brother in full view of you lot...
< Aellin> [Tengwar] By the flowing springs of the Granta I fill this tankard.
< Lucius> Well, that's certainly one way of avoiding having to pay for your drinks.
* Aellin grins at Lucius
< Aellin> It also guarantees that they're fresh and pure, and that they haven't been tampered with.
< Ariane> Unless you've been playing silly buggers, yes. It certainly tastes better than what my brother produces, though.
Lucius and Alwin are discussing fireworks
< Lucius> Yes, when the alchemists and red mages get together... we have a kender.
< Sarah> (to Szerk-Hae) You have a very long tongue.
< Szerk-Hae> Yes.
< Sarah> That must have a lot of uses.
< Szerk-Hae> I've found... seventy-two.
< Laura> (as Ishmundi) {Voice of Power} Kneel!
< Garath> (as Joel, but OOC) What level?
< Laura> Many.
< Aryon> (Discussing his song) It's actually a translation from the Andalucian... no... where do I come from again? Allevantian.
< Sesqui> It's a skeleton with a tongue?
< Edgar> No, that's a Cecil wing.
< Szerk-Hae> New priests are like new panties. Fresh, clean, new... slightly exciting...
< Nathaniel> It seems to happen every time - I'm trying to teach someone to fence, and...
< Maz> Time Out!
< Lucie> Did I get here too late to hit things?
< Lucius> (notices undead horde suddenly bursting in) No!
< Ariane> I just said a very naughty word.
< Edgar> What?
< Ariane> I just said "four-hit".
< Edgar> What language is that a swear word in?
< Lucie> I AM NOT HAVING SEX WITH EDGAR!
< [Michael's character]> What about Cecil?
< Edgar> (to Cecil) What was that, you only like maidens?
< Edgar> In the name of Edgar, I lay this corpse to rest.
< Carla> How'd you like spending the rest of the evening unable to go within 30ft of me?
< Vladimir> 30ft would be a bit far for even me to manage...
3YGB QUOTES
3ygb 2011
Chevron's "Azraelite" to Lawrence: "Doesn't the presence of the vampire in the village disturb you?"
Lawrence: "Damned right it disturbs me! ... Although possibly not for the reasons you think."
Molly: "You can be a vivamortian and a good person!"
Wight: "missssstresssss... can we kill everyone now?"
Molly: I promise you will have demons to eat tonight. They taste fizzy
3ygb 2010
GODS FALL EVERYBODY DIES
"I feel a religion coming..." - Dot
Disturbingly, I have no recollection of saying this! --Chevron
"Bits of your organs are falling off" - Isobel
"There ARE no tactics in the bitter north. ONLY BATTLE."
"Would you like a noose bruise?" - oxfordgirl
"I'm going to go and look in the mirror, and then I'm going to kill Megan..." - Corin as Glitter Humact
"Actually, Humact works quite well as Elvis." - Aquarion
"Aquarion, will you stop violating the gods?" - Pufferfish
"You feel slightly nauseated; you just drank a baby." - Aquarion
"It's OK, they've burnt the baby, we're coming back!" - TimB
"The baby is a portable snack." - ahdok, over the radio
"I'm making a potion out of Dot's severed ear. What does it do?" - Andy
"I think it was a cock-chafer, I can't quite remember..." - porange
Vole Overlord (porange): "You will hold a funeral for my dead children. IN THE LANGUAGE OF THE VOLES. Inflict: For the next 5 minutes, you can only say squeak."
Tiberius: "...squeak?"
ALL YOUR NORKS WILL COME TO NOTHING
"Drac! Drac, you have no ears!"
"You know, for one beautiful moment, I thought we'd manage a 3ygb without any ballpond balls." - ahdok, over the radio
"How many discarded bras can this place have?!" - Locksmith, search for her lost bra
"My baby! My baby! I've lost my baby!" "Would you like to make a new one?" "YES!"
3ygb 2009
3ygb 2008
3ygb 2007
3ygb 2006
Allegedly someone has the page somewhere.
3ygb 2005
Calin to Sparky, very large scary fire elemental "Give me a demonstration of your power"
Sparky: "Disrupt Magic Through Seven!"
Calin: *die*
Jacob: "Rosie, are you obviously female?"
Calin: I know about mathemagics - it's all about apples and oranges and changing the nature of the planes, isn't it?
Gilbert to Calin "Stop trying to think. You aren't built for it and we can see it hurts"
OC QUOTES
< Kiyah> (to Garuda) I found your breasts. They were under the table.
< Pufferfish> This time I'm his boss, not his girlfriend.
<Valtiel> ...and the Seelie will be dressed in their usual: Armoury Katamari!
<Valtiel> Yes? <Lupie> I don't know. What do you want? <Valtiel> Why did you beckon me over? <Lupie> I didn't beckon you over. I was miming playing the harmonica.
Lupie: I don't think I've ever seen a shag in Cambridge.
Lupie (Of the phrase 'sword belt'): The first thing that came into my mind was a belt made of severed penises...
Joey: There was no orgy on the Endingbrood! We all kept our shoes and socks on at all times!
From fallen monsters, to a ref: "I think I may be over my nettle allowance."
<Bluebottle> There is nothing erotic about BLACK DOUBLE!
<fyrheafoc> (on having breasts and pulling girls) : You'll have something in common. You can go "You have breasts, I have breasts, let's procreate!" Um...
<Entimix> Also... why am I fellating a cheese at you?
<Entimix> I try to bite a piece off, but then there's just too much suction!
"If you are going to write an IC document, I suggest avoiding using "Stuff" and "Thing" as technical terms." --Tristan
<net> Astral Testicles: The secret Lucan level 8 miracle.
<Zebbie> They're like baked beans with enormous penises <Locksmith> Ah, the ultimate hangover cure?
<Drac>: There is cream, it's harder than most of the characters.
<Entimix> New rule: Must stop doing obscene things with cheeses.
<Entimix> Raaaaaaaargh... I am teh Underpants Zombie... *lurches*
<Megan>: I just want a prehensile penis to pick things up with!
<Locksmith>: STOP COCKSLAPPING ME WITH YOUR GIANT PREHENSILE PROSTHETIC PENIS, MEGAN!
<mechanical_roo> (to Locksmith and porange) ...why am I NOT SURPRISED to meet you two in a lecture about dicks?
*porange and Locksmith high-five*
<porange> I am the LOLCAT of fake wounds!
<porange> ... That's not a box of chocolate. That's a *lifestyle*.
<porange> That's not the rubbishest superpower. Permanent diarrhoea is the rubbishest superpower.
<Locksmith> ... Permanent diarrhoea is *not* a superpower, Megan.
<porange> Yes it is! If you got trapped you could eventually fill the room and swim to the top!
< Chevron > A one-armed priest tried to stop a girl on zero hitpoints carrying a baby crawling out of the bar, and failed.
<kangaroo> Do you have breasts in your crotch?
<Emily>: Megan! Look at that squid, and think about vaginas!
<Steph>: I didn't burn down the docks, they just sort of caught fire while I was setting fire to the ships.
<salavant> (on a linear where porange's pc UFed): *running towards the other refs flailing* "GUYS! MEGAN'S SET THE MEGAN TIMER ON THE MEGAN COUNTER!"
<Nyeti> in Cookie Monster voice: "First, very delicately, you pick up pear. Second, you look at pear. Third, very carefully, take one little bite from pear. Fourth, YOU EAT PEAR! OM NOM NOM!~"
Nyeti attempts to eat pear in one bite, fails
<Nyeti>: "Well, that went about as well as could be expected."
<Pufferfish> (to Biscuits): "I like your petulant frog."
<Kelpie> (In the pub) JIM! WRITE ME ORC PORNOGRAPHY!
<porange> (during a TIME FREEZE): I licked the plot, and it licked me back, and now we're married!
<IVAN> The problem with 8 inches is that it's long enough to use but too long to palm easily.
Warcrack
Garuda: He's twenty foot tall, functionally immortal and can rip a truck in two with his bare hands. What does he need XP for?
Jacob: Social skills.
Maelfroth
<name censored to protect the guilty> I mean it's not as TRUE as the abiding love between Khaniel and Auriel, but it's definitely there. <other name censored to protect the guilty> I'm trying to work out which of Ian and his fiancee would run screaming more if I told them you'd said that.
...two days later...
<original name again censored to protect the guilty> Oh hell no. Auriel is clearly a sub.