(My copy has degraded terribly, and the words are not online, therefore this is from memory. Lyrics by the Bards Guild, Lorien Trust. Tune by Meredith Brooks)
To the tune of 'Bitch' by Meredith Brooks.
Monstering today
For a gold or two the LTs gonna pay (1)
Try to kill you and you bash me up like maybe
there's a monster underneath
this face-mask that you see
So I got outa there
you musta been relieved to see
my hand up in the air
And I can understand why you tried to crush my nose
And you won't pull your blows!
But I got to play everything all in one afternoon
I'm a lich, a beserker
Some random peasant worker
I'm the bad guy's bodyguard
Some Mage or travelling Bard,
I'm a thug, I attack.
I die then I come back
You know the ref will always send another wave...
So try to take me down
You may find that you may need a helping hand
But rest assured though
when I start to kill the party
And you're dying on the ground
Some friendly dryad healer will just chance to hang around
I'm a lich, a beserker
Some random peasant worker
I'm the bad guy's bodyguard
Some Mage or travelling Bard,
I'm a thug, I attack.
I die then I come back
You know the ref will always send another wave...
Just when you think,
you've got me paggered (2)
then my stats are already changing...
And I can tell, you're down to your last spell
So don't try to slay me
I'm a lich, a beserker
Some random peasant worker
I'm the bad guy's bodyguard
Some Mage or travelling Bard,
I'm a thug, I attack.
I die then I come back
You know the ref will always send another wave...
I'm a lich, I'm a ghost,
the party will be toast
what's my stats? Oh I'll flange it
All your money! I'm a bandit!
I'm an orc, I'm beastkin
you know the party always wins
and I wouldn't have it any other way.
I'm a lich, a beserker
Some random peasant worker
I'm the bad guy's bodyguard
Some Mage or travelling Bard,
I'm a thug, I attack.
I die then I come back
You know the ref will always send another wave...
(As threatened, all 5 verses and choruses :) )
(1)The LT pays people IC cash to monster. 2 gold is about 4 hours solid monstering
(2)Paggered = mashed into the ground and trodden on heavily.