1. Cecil met a scary teutonic catgirl in Sainsbury's. He said "I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts. She said "You dirty lech". So they went to a weapons practice. There was an... unfortunate incident when the mafia got wind of this. Their legs were never the same again.
2. Skraal met Margaret Thatcher in Swaffham. He said "I have an interesting set of etchings you may wish to see." She said "e^(i.pi) + 1 = 0" So they both had tea and buns, and the consequence was nuclear winter.
3. Sir Arthur Wellesley met Hazel on the planet Earth. He said "Please state the nature of the medical emergency." She said "Aren't you a little short for a stormtrooper?" They performed the summoning when the stars were right (among other things) and the consequence was the entire pantheon of gods died and went onto the Jerry Springer episode "I Walked Into The Wessex Arms and Some Guy With A Sword Jobbed Me!"
4. Fomkin met Lucie in the Natural History Museum. He said "Tony Blair is the best Prime Minister we've had since Mr Blobby". She said "I'm a priestess of Bast, it's what I do". So they pooled all their money and bought a bakery with the proceeds, and a bar of chocolate with what was left, and the consequence was the guide entry was revised.
5. Fomkin met Madonna in the Castle Inn. He said "Jaffa Cakes". She said "Have you got a girlfriend?" So they killed each other horribly in the name of Sordan and never told a soul what happened there.
6. Petrof met 'Brae in the Sickbay. He said "I'm a sherry trifle, you're a chocolate sponge. I'm a something something, you're a pink blamange. My Dad wears a paper hat, yours inflates balloons, whoops, here comes a spoon." She said "That's OK, I'm a laundress". They summoned all the Elemental Lords at once. The more, the merrier! And as a result, fish stocks plummeted.
7. Davros met Felicity in the College of Air. He said "Do you want to study together?" She said "Damn it, I'm a healer, not an escalator." So they sold their souls to Unity, and the consequence was global warming was averted.
8. Vladimir met Anglea Merhel on the Fae Mound in the middle of a ritual. He said to her "Do you get bad dreams?" She said to him "Perhaps you'd like an analgesic cream?" So they blew up the Death Star and they both had to go and see the healers in private.
And a couple from Durham:
Zaccheus met Kas when she was cowering behind a dead horse. He said "Is it time yet?" She said "OMGZ DEMON!" They went out and killed some mewlips, and they accidentally summoned a demon who stole their souls.
Ba'ara's ghost met Ceren at the Stone Chair on singles night. He said "Is that a sword in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me?" She said "Water is so overrated as a drink." They stumbled into the plane of song, and the world went *BOOM* then *schlop*. The moral of the story is always be the quiet one.